1 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:05,396 . 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:07,572 - "Will and Grace" is recorded in front of a live audience. 3 00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,096 [line trilling] 4 00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:10,967 - Grace, don't. She said not to. 5 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,013 - Hey, Karen, uh, I know that you said 6 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:14,710 you never wanted to see us again, 7 00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:16,755 and I totally respect that, but I just wanted to call 8 00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:20,977 and say hey and make sure you're okay, okay? 9 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,675 So...hey. 10 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,070 Okay. 11 00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,246 Oy vey. 12 00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:33,207 - Wow, that was like word jazz. 13 00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:35,992 - Well, I am worried about her. 14 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,734 Karen just met this guy a week ago, and she's in love? 15 00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:40,127 - Whatever happens, 16 00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:41,911 I'm sure here true friends, Alcohol and Painkiller, 17 00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:44,348 will be there for her. 18 00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,568 - I'm not saying we could take their place. 19 00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,266 It just doesn't feel right. 20 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,007 [knock at door] 21 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,878 - Hey, losers. It's me, Karen. 22 00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:54,924 I just stopped by your dumb apartment 23 00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:56,186 to tell you to leave me alone. 24 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:57,840 No need to open the-- 25 00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:02,192 Okay, I'm not really Karen. 26 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,890 It's me, Friday. 27 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,066 - Wow. 28 00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:07,676 The similarities are nonexistent. 29 00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,374 - Karen told me to trick you 30 00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:11,984 so you that you wouldn't go looking for her. 31 00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:13,334 I knew I should've finished 32 00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:15,597 Natalie Portman's MasterClass. 33 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:16,989 - Where is Karen? 34 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,557 Friday, if you know something, you have to tell us. 35 00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,994 - Okay, you know that new guy she's seeing? Phil? 36 00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:23,561 Well, she told him about her cabin, 37 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,346 and they decided to go there for the weekend. 38 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,043 - Wait, her cabin in the woods? 39 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,567 The one that's a million miles away from anything? 40 00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:31,134 - We gotta get to that cabin. - What? 41 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:33,136 You just told me not to get involved. 42 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,398 - Okay, look, I finally listened 43 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,747 to the "Dirty John" podcast. 44 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,575 - I still have two episodes to go. 45 00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,142 I was waiting for you to catch up! 46 00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:40,665 - Okay, there's--there's-- there's more. 47 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:43,451 After I finished "Dirty John" I listened "Malicious Mark." 48 00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:44,974 - What? 49 00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:48,238 We said we were gonna save "Malicious Mark" for Purim. 50 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:49,370 - Wait, look. 51 00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,372 The--the point is there's a pattern 52 00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,156 to all of these true crime podcasts 53 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,115 that's happening with Karen and Phil. 54 00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:56,899 Mysterious man from out of nowhere, 55 00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:59,336 claims to be a doctor... - Goes after wealthy women... 56 00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,382 - Tries to separate her from her friends. 57 00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:02,687 - We have to get to the cabin. - I'll drive. 58 00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:04,733 - I'll criticize. 59 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:08,084 [upbeat trumpet and piano music] 60 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:15,178 ♪ 61 00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:18,181 - No, please! 62 00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:19,878 [pants] Phil, I beg you! 63 00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:21,271 Stop or I'll scream! 64 00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:22,403 - Scream all you want. 65 00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,926 There's no one around for miles. 66 00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,798 - [gasping] 67 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,887 [whimpering] 68 00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:31,499 [sings operatic high note] 69 00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:32,978 [exhales] 70 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:35,851 - I have to warn you, the procedure I'm about to perform 71 00:02:35,894 --> 00:02:37,635 is not covered by Obamacare. 72 00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:38,767 - [gasps] 73 00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:40,769 You're a little early, Doctor, but... 74 00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:43,163 I think I can squeeze you in. 75 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:47,471 ♪ 76 00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:51,910 - Okay, ladies, eight hours until the grand reopening. 77 00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:54,957 - Wow, look at you, all boss-lady like. 78 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,132 Hmm. 79 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,962 Turns out, the devil wears Old Navy. 80 00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:01,050 - I know, right? 81 00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:02,530 I'm such a hard-ass. 82 00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:05,794 Owen! 83 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:08,013 If you have time to lean, you got time to preen! 84 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:09,450 Lick those eyebrows neat. 85 00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:12,931 Next time, do it with your tongue; 86 00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:13,889 you get a raise. 87 00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:19,416 What are these ruby slippers doing here? 88 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,983 - I--I thought they looked pretty there. 89 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,898 - You thought? 90 00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,856 This guy. 91 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,467 Last time I checked, 92 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:29,948 I was the only one who got paid to "thought," huh? 93 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,385 And I say they look pretty... 94 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,650 Here. 95 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,566 - That is better, sir. - Yeah, it is. 96 00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:40,350 [rapidly] Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. 97 00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:43,223 That's Dexter Murphy from "The New York Gayzette" 98 00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:45,747 He's interviewing me about my big opening. 99 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:48,793 [laughing] 100 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,232 Hello, welcome. I'm Jack McFarland. 101 00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:54,843 - I'm Dexter Murphy, "New York Gayzette." 102 00:03:54,886 --> 00:03:57,498 - I loved your takedown of Andy Cohen's dog. 103 00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,283 Ugh, that bitch had it coming. 104 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:03,547 Yeah. May I take your...poncho? 105 00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,681 Or is that what's holding you together? 106 00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:12,556 - We missed the turn. - No, this is right. 107 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,731 - Well, how do you know? 108 00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:15,385 You said Karen blindfolded you 109 00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:17,082 so that you wouldn't see where it was. 110 00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:18,649 - She does not like drop-ins, 111 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:21,478 but I can figure it out with my heightened sense of smell. 112 00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:23,350 It's kind of my superpower. 113 00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,177 And I'm getting... [inhales] 114 00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:27,832 Raspberry cream and... [inhales] 115 00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,094 Epoxy glue. 116 00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:31,271 The turn's coming up. 117 00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,403 - Raspberry cream and glue? 118 00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,927 There is nothing in the world that smells like-- 119 00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:39,191 - "Gower's Fruit-Filled Candy and Marine Sealants," 120 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,585 100 yards. 121 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:44,109 Wow, that's-- that's quite a nose. 122 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,633 - My dad raised bloodhounds. 123 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,374 I used to always try to find the dead rabbits 124 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:48,723 before they could. 125 00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,507 You know, so that Dad would love me. 126 00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:52,335 I always won-- 127 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,511 the rabbits, not his love. 128 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:57,645 ♪ 129 00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:00,474 . 130 00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:03,041 - So let me get right to it, Mr. McFarland. 131 00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:05,479 How do you plan on keeping 132 00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:10,135 an iconic institution like Coco's open without Coco? 133 00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,050 - Oh, oh, they'll still come. Yeah. 134 00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:13,922 I'm not changing anything. Yeah. 135 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,750 We're just under new management. 136 00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,752 The bar's transitioning... 137 00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:20,363 like half our patrons. 138 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,974 - Do you think people who are transitioning are funny? 139 00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:23,975 - Oh, God, no. 140 00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,499 They have no sense of humor. 141 00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:29,329 - Thank you for your time. 142 00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:33,028 I must rush this to my editor because, clearly, 143 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,030 this place won't be open much longer. 144 00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:36,423 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 145 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:38,120 Wait, wait, I forgot to tell you about the one thing 146 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,600 I'm bringing to the bar that's gonna make 147 00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:40,731 everyone wanna come here. 148 00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:42,385 It's, uh... 149 00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,301 [gasps] Ooh, ooh! 150 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,348 These are the original ruby slippers 151 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,654 worn by Judy Garland in "The Wizard of Oz." 152 00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,090 Yes, they are. 153 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:55,137 - Are those real? - Yes, they are real. 154 00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:59,359 Uh, and that's why I'm renaming the bar to "the Ruby Slipper." 155 00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:02,274 What kind of an idiot would do that unless they weren't real? 156 00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:04,233 - I know one. 157 00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:06,931 - What if we're wrong? 158 00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,106 What if we get there and they're just having 159 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,804 a normal romantic weekend? 160 00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:10,892 - Better to be wrong 161 00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:12,284 than to find out 162 00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,851 he chopped her up to make stew. 163 00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:16,071 And that's what "Malicious Mark" did to his victims. 164 00:06:16,114 --> 00:06:17,377 - Why would Phil go through all this? 165 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,379 That's what I don't get. - Money. 166 00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:21,468 They're always after the money. 167 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,383 - Yeah, but he's so handsome, though. 168 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,036 You think he could get money out of women 169 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,037 without killing them. 170 00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:28,126 I mean, that body after 40? 171 00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:31,869 I'd give him my debit card. 172 00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:33,349 - One good thing is, legally, 173 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,959 even if he wanted Karen's money, 174 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,134 he couldn't get it. 175 00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,440 Not unless they're married. 176 00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,094 - Okay, Doctor. 177 00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,748 Truth or dare? 178 00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,271 - Hmm. 179 00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,403 Truth. 180 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:45,883 - Um, have you ever stolen anything? 181 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,711 - Oh. 182 00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:49,539 Well, once when I was ten, 183 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:53,064 I took some licorice from the corner store, and... 184 00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:55,371 I felt so guilty that I went right back in 185 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,894 and apologized to the owner. 186 00:06:56,938 --> 00:06:59,027 - Aww. That's so sweet. 187 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:01,203 - Oh! And a truck full of TVs. 188 00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:02,770 Yeah, the guy just left it running, 189 00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:05,686 and I hopped in just to see if I could get away with it. 190 00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,165 I did. 191 00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:08,732 I got away with it. 192 00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,474 - Oh, good, because when you told me the licorice story, 193 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,737 I was worried I'd hitched my wagon to a fruit cart. 194 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,304 - Aww. 195 00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:17,611 Karen, you make me so happy. 196 00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:21,136 - You, me too, Phil. 197 00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,707 [giggles] Um... 198 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,360 ooh, I got a good one. 199 00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:30,624 Have you ever killed anyone? [laughs] 200 00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:33,583 - Isn't it my turn? 201 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,544 - Oh, right. I'm sorry, darling. 202 00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:39,197 - Oh, that's okay, baby. 203 00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,069 So truth or dare? 204 00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:42,505 - Dare. 205 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,116 - Marry me. 206 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,076 [bongo and piano music] 207 00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:52,994 ♪ 208 00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:56,084 - Do you see Karen? 209 00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,477 - I don't think anyone's here. 210 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,608 - She's here. [inhales] 211 00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:02,003 I smell Chanel and Adderall. 212 00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,395 - Do you think they went for a walk? 213 00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:06,007 - Oh, in "Malicious Mark," when the sun went down, 214 00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:07,835 he took his victim for a walk in the woods. 215 00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:09,445 That's when he'd... 216 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,838 and then... 217 00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:12,883 - He made them cotton candy? 218 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,363 - Stew. 219 00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,800 He made stew out of them. 220 00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:19,194 - You don't think rotten Phil did the same with Karen? 221 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:21,501 - It can't be "Rotten Phil." It's gotta start with a P. 222 00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:22,893 - Oh, like "Philadelphia Phil." 223 00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,242 - If he's from Philadelphia. 224 00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:26,114 - Ooh, ooh, how about "Psychotic Phil"? 225 00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:28,116 - The P can't be silent. 226 00:08:28,159 --> 00:08:29,596 - How about "Psychotic Sam"? 227 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:32,729 - "Psychotic Sam." That's good. 228 00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,906 - Wait, wait, wait, wait, both words have to start with a "ph" 229 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,168 and one of them has to be Phil. 230 00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,213 It's not that hard a concept. 231 00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:39,693 [all shriek] 232 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,999 Hey. [chuckles] 233 00:08:42,043 --> 00:08:44,611 Hey, Sam--uh, Phil. 234 00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,961 [laughing] We--the three of us were just, uh-- 235 00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:48,397 - The two. I'm not with them. 236 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,746 I'm just a Jehovah's Witness, 237 00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:52,227 but you guys seem too smart for us. [laughs] 238 00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:55,230 - Yeah, so we were-- we were just-- 239 00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,493 - Uh, we were in the neighborhood because-- 240 00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,191 - We--we've got a--a cabin on the lake... 241 00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:01,628 - Yeah. - ...too, right down... 242 00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:04,935 round... 'bout there, a piece. 243 00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:07,068 Uh, yeah. 244 00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:09,374 - Uh, uh, can we see Karen? 245 00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:11,420 - Don't you mean Mrs. Phillip Johnson? 246 00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:13,465 - You two got married? 247 00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:15,163 - The justice of the peace just left. 248 00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:16,643 It was a beautiful ceremony. 249 00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:19,515 I totally cried because that's a thing people do. 250 00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:24,825 - Um, can we congratulate Karen in person? 251 00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:27,088 - Oh, she went for a walk. 252 00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:29,307 It's getting dark. Hope nothing happened to her. 253 00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:32,180 Why don't you come in and wait? I'm making stew. 254 00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,272 Aren't you coming? both: Yes, yes! 255 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:39,143 [piano music] 256 00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:41,058 . 257 00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:43,583 [classy piano music] 258 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:46,194 - [sighs] It's 8:15. 259 00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,674 Why is nobody here? 260 00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:50,415 There must be a sale on glitter. 261 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,330 Or maybe Lin-Manuel Miranda 262 00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,158 is doing is doing an impromptu rap somewhere, 263 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:57,118 and everybody's being forced to like it. 264 00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:58,206 Every reservation? 265 00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:00,338 - Every one, canceled. 266 00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:03,907 - I don't get it. This is my grand reopening. 267 00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:06,649 This place should be fending off drunk bachelorettes 268 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:09,652 crying about their gay cousins in Kansas. 269 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,654 - You think it might have something to do 270 00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,569 with the article that was just posted? 271 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,918 Read the headline. 272 00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,920 - "New Owner of Miss Coco's 273 00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:19,923 Fails to Google Ruby Slippers Before Lying About Them." 274 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:23,797 Do you think this is gonna affect my big opening? 275 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,450 [both laughing] 276 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,930 It's not funny now! 277 00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:30,673 - You shouldn't have lied to that reporter, Jack. 278 00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,675 - I know, I know. I just-- 279 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:35,460 I want so badly for this to be a success. 280 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,680 - But you just started. 281 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,595 Come on. Give it time. 282 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,683 - Time for what? 283 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,163 I never should have bought this place 284 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:43,773 in the first place. 285 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:46,210 Yes, I know, I just said the word "place" twice. 286 00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:48,691 - Listen, 287 00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,694 when I bought this place, it was a deli, 288 00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:53,914 but I had a vision. 289 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:58,701 I based the entire concept on something I loved... 290 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,965 Me. [chuckles] 291 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:05,839 - So you're saying I should make this bar all about me? 292 00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:07,405 - No, dear. No. 293 00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:10,321 It's a business. You want paying customers. 294 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:13,542 You gotta put your own stank on it. 295 00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,979 - [sighs] What if nobody likes my stank? 296 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,200 - Listen. 297 00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:22,159 Life is a gamble, 298 00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:25,075 but at least you're rolling the dice. 299 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:28,383 You know, most people don't have the guts to do that. 300 00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:33,954 - Thanks, Coco, but it's too late. 301 00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:36,043 - [sighs] - That article's gonna bury me. 302 00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:38,785 Every gay guy in New York City is gonna read that story 303 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:40,743 and then retweet it with a mean GIF 304 00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,702 of Beyoncé's hair getting caught in a fan. 305 00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,270 - So? 306 00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:49,230 You give that reporter another story to tell, 307 00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:51,841 because if there's one thing our people like better 308 00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:53,756 than watching one of our own stumble, 309 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,976 it's cheering when they get back up 310 00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:58,500 for a glorious second act. 311 00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:02,286 Look at Renée in "Judy." 312 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,767 - Oh, my God. You're right. 313 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,508 You're right, Coco. 314 00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,989 I'm gonna call that reporter and give him a new story, 315 00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:10,947 because, God as my witness, 316 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:15,212 I will Zellweger this so hard, my opening will be huge! 317 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:19,521 And that's funny again. Go ahead. 318 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,132 [both laughing] 319 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,917 - Why did we come inside? 320 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,745 This is just like every horror movie. 321 00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:28,922 First they invite you in, make you feel at home, and then... 322 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,402 - What, you think he's gonna give you a handy? 323 00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:35,711 - Stabbing! This is stabbing. 324 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,235 - Then stabbing is how I got popular. 325 00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:42,936 - All I'm saying is, 326 00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,329 until we know Karen is safe, we gotta be careful. 327 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:48,202 Grace, what are you doing? - I'm hungry. 328 00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:50,944 The drive up took six hours. 329 00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,990 - [whispering] What if the stew is Karen? 330 00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:58,081 - I mean, it's already made. 331 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,737 - Put the spoon down. Put the spoon down. 332 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,174 - Lotta whispering going on. 333 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,394 Hope you're talking about my wedding gift. 334 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:08,918 Wouldn't say no to a wood chipper. 335 00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:13,140 - Um, actually, we were just saying how exciting it is 336 00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:15,577 that you and Karen got married. 337 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:16,970 It happened so fast. 338 00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,841 - Yeah, she didn't knock you up, did she? 339 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:21,888 [laughs] - Come on, you guys. 340 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,063 I mean, you don't think one of us 341 00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,629 trapped the other in marriage, do you? 342 00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:25,848 - Not at all. - Oh, God, no. 343 00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,502 - Because Karen and I are in love. 344 00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:29,156 - True love. I see it. - Really, a beautiful thing. 345 00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:31,332 - Not to mention, men can't get pregnant. 346 00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,291 We have ways to shut that down with our body. 347 00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:39,775 - That's funny you mention that, 348 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,604 considering I am pregnant. 349 00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,345 Not sure if you remembered 350 00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:47,696 I'm carrying precious life inside me. 351 00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,219 - Yeah, ooh. Me too. 352 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,742 I mean, w--with a surrogate. 353 00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,092 - Yeah, but he's not carrying the baby. 354 00:13:52,135 --> 00:13:53,658 - No, but I am the baby's father. 355 00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:57,010 - You don't need to be here-- - Yeah, okay. 356 00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,446 I want to be here for it. 357 00:13:58,489 --> 00:13:59,882 - But if you died suddenly, 358 00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:00,883 it wouldn't be the worst thing. 359 00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,145 - Grace! 360 00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:03,016 - Oh! 361 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,626 [groans] Cut myself. 362 00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:06,149 Oh, blood. Ah, I hate it. 363 00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:08,021 I hate looking at blood. - Aren't you a surgeon? 364 00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,544 - Well, my own blood. 365 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,894 Other people's blood, I have no problem with. 366 00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:15,376 I'm gonna get a bandage. Agh! Ugh! Ick! 367 00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:17,030 [waggles tongue] I'm gonna puke. 368 00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,466 Agh. 369 00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:21,817 - Okay, I got a bad feeling about this guy. 370 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,211 - You think? Where is Karen? 371 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:25,690 I don't believe for a second 372 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:26,866 that she went for a walk in the woods. 373 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,171 Do you? 374 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,956 - Karen wouldn't be caught dead in nature. 375 00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:31,000 The only reason she'd go to the woods 376 00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,219 is to lure children 377 00:14:32,262 --> 00:14:35,700 to her house made of candy. 378 00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,615 - Psst, you guys. 379 00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:38,921 - Friday, where did you go? 380 00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,184 - Oh, I kinda freak out around murderers. 381 00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:42,142 I know, 382 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,404 you'd think after what happened 383 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,884 to my first two roommates, I'd be over it, 384 00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,537 but...guess not. 385 00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:48,670 - Why don't you go back to the car 386 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:49,889 and see if you can get a signal? 387 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,412 - Okay, but it's super cold out, 388 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,414 and I definitely just heard a big animal. 389 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,329 I think it might've been a bear. 390 00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:57,157 - Okay, well, make yourself big, or-- 391 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,767 or make yourself small, or-- 392 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,116 you'll figure something out. 393 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,468 - That was close. 394 00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:05,861 In the medical profession, we call that 395 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,472 a stage-three boo-boo. 396 00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,387 - Okay, Phil. 397 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:11,388 Where's Karen? 398 00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:12,868 - I told you. She's taking a walk. 399 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,870 Why would you ask twice? 400 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,263 Unless you wanna take a walk. 401 00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:18,918 Would you like to take a walk, Will? 402 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,921 - I--I already got my steps in today. 403 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,313 - Plus, he's already too skinny. 404 00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:24,619 - Yeah. 405 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,142 - A lot of his sweaters are women's medium. 406 00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,188 - What is the matter with you? 407 00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,537 - How about you, Grace? 408 00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:30,755 I'll take you out 409 00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:32,670 in a canoe on the lake. 410 00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:36,283 - Oh, um, I'm not really a fan of the canoe. 411 00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:37,414 Or water. 412 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,982 At the gym, I drink Diet Dr. Pepper. 413 00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,505 - Oh, is that right? 414 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,507 - [sobs] Okay, regular Dr. Pepper. 415 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,336 - And she doesn't go to the gym. 416 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,643 - [whimpering] I don't. 417 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,602 - Grace, come on. A little fun won't kill you. 418 00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:53,604 - Yeah? 419 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:55,998 And neither will you! 420 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:57,826 Damn it. Anything but the broom. 421 00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,393 - What are you doing? 422 00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:01,395 - We know that you're lying, Phil! 423 00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:04,746 About being a doctor, about the credit cards in your wallet-- 424 00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,139 Nora Nessbaum! 425 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,967 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's Karen? 426 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:08,968 And you tell us the truth, 427 00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,795 or we will do... 428 00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,232 something that we have planned out 429 00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,625 and practiced a lot of times! 430 00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:16,236 - Whoo. 431 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:19,587 I had to track Mopsy and Flopsy for 45 minutes... 432 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,417 But we're eatin' meat. 433 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,419 Will, what are you doing here? 434 00:16:25,462 --> 00:16:27,987 And did you ride here on that zebra? 435 00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:32,469 [upbeat piano music] 436 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:34,515 . 437 00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,212 [downbeat piano music] 438 00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:37,648 - I thought I'd made myself clear. 439 00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:40,564 You support me or you stay out of my life. 440 00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,697 But you couldn't do either one, could you? 441 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:45,047 - Karen, Phil is not the man that you think he is. 442 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,831 He is a con man. 443 00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:50,879 - If this is about the licorice, he apologized. 444 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:54,143 - I called the state medical licensing board. 445 00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:55,492 There is no record of him. 446 00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:57,277 - That's because I changed my name. 447 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,322 I'm sorry I didn't tell you. 448 00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:01,194 I was born Phillip Johnsonawitz. 449 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:02,586 You see, 450 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:06,416 the medical profession has been unwelcoming to Jews. 451 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,070 - That's not true at all! 452 00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,767 - Karen, you're friends with this putz? 453 00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:12,161 - See? He speaks Yiddish. 454 00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,164 - So you are licensed? 455 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,253 - Look, if you want me to show you all my credentials, 456 00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:18,733 explain those credit cards-- 457 00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:21,214 Nora Nessbaum, by the way, is my neighbor, 458 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:24,130 and she gave me her card so I can buy her groceries. 459 00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:27,176 If you wanna see all that, I'll happily show you. 460 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:31,354 - You don't have to show anything to anyone, darling. 461 00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:32,921 [sighs] You know what? 462 00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:34,879 I think I just wanna go home. - Hmm. 463 00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,229 - Would you put our bags in the car? 464 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,274 I need a minute alone with these two. 465 00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:40,015 - Of course. 466 00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:45,107 Just don't invite them on a walk or a canoe ride. 467 00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:47,022 They'll be total dicks about it. 468 00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,853 - Please, understand-- - Karen, we really just wa-- 469 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,116 - No, no, no, no, no. 20 years of friendship 470 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,815 and you still can't trust me to make my own decisions. 471 00:17:57,859 --> 00:18:01,515 I mean, the idea that I wouldn't know 472 00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,430 when something is real? 473 00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:06,955 [engine starts, tires squeal] 474 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,262 [car speeds off] 475 00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,265 - That was Phil. 476 00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:13,744 - He's probably turning the car around 477 00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:15,616 to get a little closer. 478 00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,531 - I don't think so. 479 00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:22,536 - Maybe he's doing doughnuts to impress the local teens. 480 00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:29,108 [sighs] 481 00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:30,935 He left me? 482 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:33,721 Just like that? 483 00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:35,201 - Karen, we're so sorry. 484 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:37,725 - I knew he wasn't a doctor. 485 00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:38,856 On his diploma, 486 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,641 "MD" was spelled wrong. 487 00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,340 - Well, if you knew that, why would-- 488 00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:46,037 - What do you want me to say? 489 00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,822 Somebody comes along and tells you 490 00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:49,693 that you're the sun and the moon. 491 00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:52,653 You want so badly to believe them. 492 00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:55,003 Plus, he destroyed in the sack. 493 00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:59,355 I mean, really destroyed. 494 00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:03,751 Like, call your next of kin to identify the remains. 495 00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:10,061 So yeah, I guess I closed my eyes to a few things. 496 00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:13,587 - Everybody's a little blind when it comes to love. 497 00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:18,287 - I guess at the end of the day, we're just three lonely-- 498 00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:20,550 - Up, up, up, up, up. 499 00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,813 I'm already devastated, Grace. 500 00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:25,207 Hearing you say that I'm like the two of you 501 00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,775 is a little more than I can take right now. 502 00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:32,171 But, uh... 503 00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:35,565 thanks for being there for me, kids. 504 00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:36,740 It means a lot. 505 00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,655 - We'll always have your back. 506 00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,181 Now that we know you're safe... 507 00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,619 - Go, get your stew. - Thank God. 508 00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:51,929 - We still have to deal with the fact that you married him. 509 00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:55,106 - Mm, Anastasia Beaverhausen married him. 510 00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:00,199 We signed a piece of bark 511 00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:03,593 in the presence of a badger we made into a stew. 512 00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:04,725 I think we're good. 513 00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:06,988 - Wait, this is badger? 514 00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:10,165 It's really good. 515 00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:14,387 - Thank you all for coming tonight, 516 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:18,173 and thank you to Dexter Murphy of "The New York Gayzette" 517 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,610 for his fantastic follow-up article, 518 00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:25,311 "Redemption of a Liar," colon, "Jack McFarland's Second Act." 519 00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:30,098 Miss Coco told me what I needed to do to make this place mine, 520 00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:33,101 and I thought about all the good times I've had here 521 00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,929 and all the great friends I've made, 522 00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:37,888 and I realized this bar isn't about me. 523 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,586 It's not even about Coco. 524 00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,196 It's about all of us 525 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,199 and what it means for us to have a place like this. 526 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,680 So everybody, 527 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,116 welcome to... 528 00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:49,683 "Queers"! 529 00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:54,775 [cheers and applause] 530 00:20:57,995 --> 00:21:00,215 "Where everybody knows you're gay!" 531 00:21:01,521 --> 00:21:04,219 - "And they're always glad you came." 532 00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:09,180 - Isn't it great? 533 00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:10,356 - I don't get it. 534 00:21:10,399 --> 00:21:13,272 [silly piano music]